Regret. Such a simple word. Much more understandable then happiness. Much more clearly defined then a smile. So...universal. More universal then the car you drive, the food you eat, the hopes and dreams your head contains. Everybody has them. Every one of them is slightly different in some way, yet completely the same. The same feeling. I look at the world from afar, and I think, "Will they regret that?" I know they should, and probably will. But really, isn't regret the most useless of all emotions. A desire to change that which cannot be? Or is it actually a device to move us forward, to not make the same mistakes, to design a goal that will let us live with ourselves. Because as hard as you look on the outside, we all know the fire consuming your insides. How you cry at night because you want to change, but can't. And you can't because you can't live with yourself, which leads you to contribute the same act over and over. In the following case, they would mean regret is useless, because it never worked to begin with.

Maybe regret is just our conscious. Letting us know that what we did was wrong. A torture device for those who still have a heart. But for those who don't care, does it mean anything at all? There are those who say they are sorry and that they feel like shit because of it, but do they? No. In that instant, maybe, in the long run, definitely not. But that leaves the unknowable question: Who actually feels and who doesn't? And I would argue that the one person who could ever know that question no longer knows themselves enough to be able to tell.

So that leaves regret to be one thing. Irony. Really bad, painful, vindictive irony, but irony nonetheless. Irony is nothing but life. If you live, then you live in a world of irony. From the instant you are conceived irony makes you. Mostly irony is subtle. Its effect is little. But it's there. So, thusly, regret is life. There are some people that don't have regrets. Bullshit. Changing the name doesn't change what it is. Saying it's not there doesn't mean it isn't. I have fears, therefore I have regrets. At least I have an idea of what they are. But do you? Regret is just life. Live with it, so you can live with yourself.

All our lives we are looking. For a new job, a new house, a new life. We never take a step back to reflect on who we are. But really, who has the time? We live in a fast pace world. Fast cars, fast food, fast gradification. And that is why what the essense of humanity is, what makes us empathetic, is doomed. No longer to people see the beauty that our ancestors saw. None of us have had to live off the land. Well, at least not in the same sense as those that came long before us. All we do is spend our lives looking, living each day like we live forever, not considering consequences to our actions or even how our actions affect others. We are all hypocritical, marching to the beat of society. And looking. Looking for something we will never find. Because what we are looking for is our past, looking for simplicity in a world filled with complications to every action we don't think about. We are looking for something that is no longer there, and never will be again. We've spoiled ourselves, like we spoil our pets or our children. We've been pampered and now we want everything to happen with just the touch of a button or the stroke of keyboard keys. We want drama out of our lives and for everything to just be handed to us. We want stuff that we shouldn't need. So here we stand, looking for something that doesn't exsist and wanting the easy way out. Yes, it is here we stand.





It is right now that I let you know clearly who I am: I am a sinner, a bastard, an asshole, a loner, a hypocrite, a clinger, a pessimist, a lunatic, an insomniac, a liar, a loser, a depressant, an ungrateful spoiled child, a dick, an all around complete jerk who should not have any part of your life. But here you are, reading this, judging me on whether or not I am actually those things or not. Some you may agree with, some you may not. But all that I am, good and bad, is also a part of you. To various extents we all share the same good and bad traits. But which ones do you want to shine? I am also: a lover, a dreamer, a good guy, a listener, a smilier, a happy person, a leader, a comedian, a singer, an optimist, a wisher, a crier, an honest person, a writer, a musician, a philosopher, and overall a just person who might care too much about whatever it is he undertakes.

I know that confidence is the key, and that a supervolcano is really the end of the world, not asking a girl out. I know that I'll die but before that I live so I better damn well make the best of it. I know that taking chances really is better than living in regret for not trying something. I know hedgehogs are the cuttest pets. I know that the end of a relationship is not the end of what we had, nor is it the end of my life. I know that you can only run away from your problems for so long until they catch up to you, and when they do engulf you they are bound to be ten times larger. I know that you are only hung up on what one person did to you for so long, if you choose to move on. I know writing is the best medicine, beside pain pills. I know the most beautiful and vulnerable image in the world is watching the one you truely love fall asleep beside you. I know manual labor truely is fulfilling. I know volunteering is worth the time and effort. But most of all I know that this is my life, my time, and I'm not going to waste it by being afraid of things that might hurt me. To hurt is to be human, I can pick myself up again. I know I can. I won't remember the pain from the fall, all I'll remember is the incredible feeling I got from looking off the edifice of the mountain I climbed. And I refuse to stop until I reach the top.